The most Misunderstood Quranic Verse : Surah An-Nisa (4:34) and refutation of those who claim islam allow men to abuse or beat their wives

Surah An-Nisa (4:34): Responsibility, Protection, and Conflict Resolution

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.

Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.As to those women on whose part you fear nushūz (rebellion):

Clarification and Ethical Framework

This verse outlines the framework of responsibility, protection, and conflict resolution in a marriage,
not a free pass to abuse

Yet it is frequently quoted without context or understanding by non Muslim mostly Christian missionary

The Misuse of This Verse

Critics often rip this verse from its moral, spiritual, and social framework
to falsely claim that Islam promotes violence against women.

The Reality

This also includes providing:

• Financial support
• Clothing
• And similar responsibilities

A husband is obligated to offer his wife the customary good treatment that someone like him would offer someone like her, according to the norms of their time and place — and this naturally varies based on individual circumstances.

(Tafsir as-Sa‘di)

Surah Ar-Rum (30:21) — “He created for you spouses… and made between you affection and mercy.”

Surah Ar-Rum 30:21 — He created for you spouses… and made between you affection and mercy.

He placed between you, through marriage and shared lineage, affection by which you show love to one another and maintain ties for its sake.
And ‘mercy’ — by which He granted you compassion for one another, inclining your hearts toward each other.

Indeed, in this are signs for people who reflect.
Allah Almighty says: In this action of His are lessons and reminders for those who ponder over His proofs and evidences — so they realize that He is the one true God, for whom nothing is impossible and who is never hindered in doing whatever He wills.

(Tafsir at-Tabari)

b. Justice and Reconciliation in Marital Conflict:

Surah An-Nisa (4:35): Mediation in Marital Conflict

Surah An-Nisa (4:35) advises that when conflict escalates, third-party mediation from both families should be sought before considering separation.

Two Cases of Marital Conflict

Allah (Exalted is He) first mentioned the initial case — when estrangement and rebellion (nushūz) come from the wife.
Then He mentioned the second case — when the estrangement comes from both spouses.
He said:

“And if you fear a breach between them, appoint a mediator from his family and a mediator from hers…”
[Surah An-Nisa 4:35]

Juristic Explanation

The jurists said:
If discord arises between the husband and wife, the judge should place them under observation near a trustworthy person, who monitors their situation and prevents the one at fault from committing wrongdoing.

If their conflict worsens and the dispute continues for a long time, the judge then appoints:

• A trusted person from the woman’s side, and
• A trusted person from the man’s family.

These two mediators should meet, assess the situation, and take whatever course of action is most beneficial — whether reconciliation or separation.

Emphasis on Reconciliation

The Shari‘ah leans toward reconciliation, which is why Allah said:

If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause harmony between them.

(TAFSIR AT TABARI)

c. Wife Dignity and Rights:

Surah Al-Baqarah (2:187) – Wives as garments

“They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”

That each of the two has been made a ‘garment’ for the other, because each is a source of tranquility (sukūn) for the other — as the Exalted has said:
‘And He made the night for you as a garment’ [Surat Al-Furqan: 47], meaning by that: a time of rest in which you find calm.

Likewise, a man’s wife is his place of rest, to whom he turns for comfort, as Allah the Exalted said:
‘And He created from it its mate that he might find tranquility in her’ [Surat Al-A‘raf: 189].

So, each of them becomes a ‘garment’ for the other, in the sense that each finds peace and rest in the other.
This is also how Mujahid and others interpreted this verse.. (Tafsir At Tabari)

d. Equality in Value, Leadership in Responsibility:

Equality in Spiritual and Moral Value

Surat Al-Ahzab (33:35):

“Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women… Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward.”

Men and women are addressed equally in terms of faith, action, and reward.

When Allah, Exalted is He, mentioned the reward of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ, and their punishment [in the hypothetical case of non-compliance], and that no one else among women is like them,
He then turned to mention the rest of the women besides them.

And since the rulings for them and for men are the same,
He made the ruling shared between both, saying:

“Indeed, the Muslim men and the Muslim women…”
(Qur’an, Surah Al-Ahzab 33:35)

This refers to the outward acts of the religion,
provided they are upholding them properly. (Tafsir As Sadi)

Surah Al-Baqarah 2:228 — “And women have rights similar to those over them in kindness, but men have a degree over them [in responsibility].”

That is: Women have upon their husbands rights and obligations just as the husbands have upon them rights and obligations — both required and recommended.

The basis for the mutual rights between spouses returns to “al-maʿrūf” (what is reasonable and customary), which refers to:

the prevailing custom in that country and time,
based on what is appropriate for someone like her with someone like him.

This differs according to:

• times,
• places,
• circumstances,
• individuals,
• and local customs.

This is evidence that matters such as:

• financial support (nafaqah),
• clothing,
• good treatment,
• housing,
• and even intimacy (sexual rights) —

are all governed by what is customary and reasonable (al-maʿrūf).
This is what is required by a general (unconditional) marriage contract. (Tafsir As Sadi)

Understanding the Structure of 4:34

The linguistic meaning of “Qiwāmah” (guardianship/authority):

It is derived from standing over something, preserving it, and maintaining it.
For example, it is said:
“So-and-so is the qiwām (support) of his family,” meaning he upholds their affairs.
And the qayyim (maintainer) of a woman is her husband, because he takes care of her affairs and meets her needs . (Lisān al-‘Arab by Ibn Manẓūr (vol. 12, pp. 502–503) )

There are two type of wife :

[1]Type one: The Righteous Wife

Qur’an, Surah An-Nisa (4:34):Men are protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.

Hadith Supporting the Description of the Righteous Wife

This matches the hadith:

The best of women is the one who, when you look at her, pleases you, when you command her, she obeys, and when you’re away, she guards herself and your wealth. (Sunan al-Nasa’i 3231)

The Righteous Women

These are women committed to faith and family,
and they are praised and protected by the Qur’anic ethic.

[2]Type two: The Nāshizah (Rebellious Wife)

Description of the Nāshizah (Rebellious Wife)

عليه واستعصت عليه وأبغضته وخرجت عن طاعته وفركته

She resisted him, defied him, hated him, disobeyed him, and abandoned him.(Lisan al‑‘Arab, Ibn Manẓūr, vol. 5, p. 418)

Meaning of “Nushūz”

“Nushūz” here implies ongoing, intentional rebellion, not minor disagreement or emotional stress.
It refers to a situation where a woman undermines the marriage itself through neglect, defiance, or betrayal.

The Three Gradual Steps in the Verse

These are measured and escalating steps meant to signal displeasure and seek correction — not physical abuse:

1. Admonish her:
Communicate clearly, offer sincere advice, and express disappointment — this is the first and primary response, rooted in dialogue.

2. Refuse to share the bed:
A private, symbolic gesture indicating marital disapproval and emotional seriousness, not public shaming or punishment.

3. Strike (lightly):
As a last resort, when all else has failed — and even then, without injury, any mark and pain, or humiliation.
The goal is reform, not domination.

(NOTE: This is for someone who does not want divorce and wants the marriage to work.)

Conditions & Limits on “Strike”

A. Pre-conditions:
The husband must already be financially supporting her and acting as a responsible protector (Qiwāmah).
Steps 1 and 2 must have failed first.
The intent must be to repair the relationship, not to control or retaliate.

B. Prophet’s Guidelines:
“Without causing injury or leaving a mark.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 1851)
“Treat women well. They are like captives under your care… if they commit indecency, then you may strike them but not harshly.”
“Those who beat their wives are not the best among you.” (Riyad al-Salihin 279)
The Prophet (ﷺ) himself never hit a woman, and repeatedly discouraged it.
His words emphasize restraint, respect, and honor in all circumstances.
A’isha reported that Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) never beat anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, but only, in the case when he had been fighting in the cause of Allah and he never took revenge for anything unless the things made inviolable by Allah were made violable; he then took revenge for Allah, the Exalted and Glorious.
(Sahih Muslim 2328)

C. Scholarly Opinions:
Great scholars like Ibn Abbas, Hassan al-Basri, and others emphasized that this form of discipline is permissible, not ideal — and only within its narrow, regulated context.

Summary of the Islamic Position

Islam does not promote violence against women — in fact, it revolutionized women’s rights at a time when they were treated as property or disposable beings.

The Qur’an and the Prophet’s teachings emphasize:
Mercy, kindness, and patience as the default in marriage.
Conflict resolution through wisdom, counseling, and empathy.
A clear, structured framework to deal with extreme rebellion — with strong ethical boundaries.

Even when discipline is permitted, it is:
Discouraged in the prophetic tradition.
Non-injurious, symbolic, and heavily restricted.
A last resort, aimed at reconciliation, not punishment.

It’s also important to note:
This verse has saved marriages from divorce in cultures where men are taught to walk away immediately.
The Qur’an, instead, urges patience, process, and dignity — for both spouses

Response to Christians

Those who accuse Islam must first re-examine their own texts and theology.

Christian history is also deeply misogynistic:
Women barred from leadership.
Seen as sources of sin (Eve).
Denied inheritance and voice in court for centuries

Response to Secularists

Secular critics often rely on shifting moral trends, subjective preferences, and emotional appeals — without offering any objective standard of ethics.

A. No Moral Grounding:
If morality is subjective, then nothing is truly right or wrong — not even abuse.
If morality is social consensus, then slavery and genocide were moral when society accepted them.
They cannot say, “Islam is wrong,” without borrowing values from outside their own framework.

B. Identity Confusion:
Many secularists today can’t even define what a woman is.
Is it biology? Is it identity? Can anyone be one?
This confusion undermines their authority to critique Islam’s clear and dignified definition of womanhood.

C. Evolutionary Hypocrisy:
If secularists believe in evolutionary biology and survival of the fittest:
Then male dominance could be justified as a natural trait.
Compassion and equality are evolutionary disadvantages.
So how can they condemn religious guidance when their own worldview would justify oppression as biology?

D. Secular Society’s Track Record:
Porn industry: Degrades and objectifies women for profit.
“Sexual freedom”: Leads to exploitation, abandonment, and trauma.
Broken families: Divorce, fatherlessness, and emotional neglect.
Hyper-sexualization of minors: Normalized in media and fashion.
They praise “freedom,” but it comes with no protection, no loyalty, and no moral compass.

Islam offers freedom with structure, love with responsibility, and rights with duties.

Conclusion / Summary and Reflection

Anyone who claims Islam disrespects women must first confront the failures of their own tradition, or the emptiness of their moral system.

The Qur’an does not promote oppression — it uplifts marriage, protects women, and regulates difficult situations with mercy, wisdom, and limits.

It preserves the family while honoring both spouses

By Worlddawah